I am sorry. 19/02/2014

I'm sorry for that week during a month that I will curse at you and call you names. I'm sorry that I will be taking out on you all the frustration inside of me as I wait for that one little bit of blood to show saying that I am a fully functioning woman. That I will get periods. That I am worth something to us and our future. I'm sorry for all the times that it doesn't come and for all the tests I will take that all say the same thing. Negative, you are not pregnant this time. I'm sorry for the frustration you will feel as my body is inept of giving us the one thing that I know we both want. A child of our own. A child made of us both. I'm sorry that even as you are with me you will not leave because you hope and pray that one day my body will work. That I will bear a child that is half you and half me. I'm sorry for the break up that we both know is coming. I'm sorry that even when you are out with me you are looking for that partner that will give you what you want. And when you find her, I'm sorry about the mess that we will make and the hurtful words that we will say to each other. I'll be glad when you finally get what you wanted and I know that you will be a great father and I pray that I will be there smiling with you both even if it hurts me inside to know I wasn't the one to give you what you craved. What we both craved. And most of all I am sorry for the child we never had. The lost chances. The lost memories. I am sorry. But I will always love you.